the horrors of cooking

Hey Kids! It may have come to your attention na we're all still under quarantine na maaring maextend pa, and kung napansin ninyo, lahat ng tao ay agitated sa kani-kaniyang situation. May nangangamba para sa kinabukasan, may mga namumroblema kung saan kukunin ang susunod na kakainin, may mga gustong makauwi pero hindi pwede. We're in hell. Kung isa ka sa mga maswerte na nasa magandang kalagayan sa panahong ito, the least you can do is not send out negativity sa mga taong matindi ang pangangailangan. Mercy and compassion na lang bitch.

Isa naman sa naging hamon ng quarantine season sa mangilan-ngilang tao ay kung paano palilipasin ang oras. Yung iba, tuluyan nang nilamon ng podcasting (Hi!). Yung iba, nasalanta ng Tiktok. Yung ibang talagang wala na sigurong gagawing iba, nagsipaghubad na sa Twitter.

Ako, naging challenge sa akin ang pagkain. Dahil nasa probinsya ang mga magulang ko (which gives me peace of mind), ako lang mag-isa dito sa bahay, so walang magluluto. Before the lockdown nakapag-grocery ako ng mga "cooking stuff" and sabi ko, hindi ko ito gagalawin until magkaroon ng total lockdown at wala na akong mabiling pagkain sa carinderia. Pero hindi ko na kaya yung araw araw na chicken adobo, pakbet at ginisang ampalaya sa carinderia sa amin. Parang makita ko pa lang nasusuka na ako (arte lang).

So nagpagapi na ako at nagdesisyon na akong magluto, para makatikim naman ako ng ibang putahe.

Just to give you an idea, here's my older post kung anong skill level ko sa cooking. It's below zero. But maybe this quarantine season, may matutunan akong skill right?

This is my journey starting with two kilos of pork. Handa ka na ba?

Yung first half kilo, ginawa kong adobo. Dahil nalimutan ko na kung paano, a friend sent me a recipe. Kabilin bilinan nya, huwag hahaluin yung suka hanggang sa maluto. Sa haba ng instructions nya yun talaga ang naretain ko. Hindi ko talaga hinalo.



Dama ko yung panghuhusga na sa kawali na daw ako kumain.

Nung nagdecide ako na pagod na ako kakahintay at mukhang edible na yung karne, ihinain ko na ang luto ko sa sarili ko. Wow. Lasa syang marinade. Nung pinakita ko sa friend ko yung picture, sabi nya hindi sya sure kung adobo yung nagawa ko. Dapat daw kasi yung sabaw ay brown, hindi kulay toyo:


Hindi sya adobo, it's adon'tbo.

Ilang meals ko rin tiniis kainin yung shit na yun. At least I have three more half-kilos. Three more chances na maging miserable.

After a week, yung pangalawang half-kilo, tangina ang sarap ng ginawa ko you're gonna shit. Alam mo yung Magic Sarap? Wow hindi sila nagsisinungaling sa part ng Magic, or sa Sarap. Binudbod ko sya sa pork cuts sabay deep fry. Sobrang sarap look oh.



I consider this as one of my quarantine stories of success kahit ang dami kong talsik ng mantika sa kamay, chest, abs, upper thighs...

Makalipas ang ilang araw, alas kwatro ng umaga. Kung kelan naman talaga alanganing oras saka ako naghihiwa ng pork. Yung last pork fries ko kasi, ang lalaki ng hiwa, ang hirap kagatin. From adobo cut nagawa ko siyang igado. Then naghalungkat ako sa kusina, tangina wala nang Magic Sarap! Ayoko naman maghintay magbukas ang mga tindahan so asin na lang ang nilagay ko. Hindi ko binudburan ng asin. I coated the whole thing in asin.

Nabantayan ko syang maigi, hindi nasunog, perfect golden brown color. Ang galing ng pagkakaprito ko. Sakto naman, ang aming boss sa office, who ever since we worked home tries to make sure that we're all doing OK, requested na magsend kami sa kanya ng picture of a typical dinner.



Syempe ginandahan ko ang caption. I cooked this simple dinner as a token of my appreciation ganyan ganyan. Pero actually nung kinain ko na, tangina lasang asin. As in asin lang. Para lang akong kumakain ng asin. Wala syang ibang lasa. Hindi sya edible. Binalik ko sa ref and nagisip ako ng ways kung paano ko isasalba yung putanginang dish na yun. Naisip kong pakuluan sya, itapon yung saltwater at kainin ang matirang pork.

So I consulted again with my friend and binigyan nga ako ng genius idea: fried rice. Una, itorta ang pork sa egg. Then dagdagan ng fried rice. Syempre wala nang asin! Naexcite ako kaya kinabukasan ginawa ko na agad.

So nilagay ko na yung maalat na pork in a bowl, then added two eggs. Then saka ko narealize hindi ko pa nabati yung itlog, at hindi ko na mabati kasi nandun na yung pork. So inisa-isa kong ihiwalay yung pork sa itlog like some psychopath.

So nakagawa na ako ng scrambled eggs ang naihalo ko na yung pork from hell. Then naghiwa ako ng garlic... tapos nilagay ko ang rice and fresh garlic nang sabay.

Tangina hindi nga pala maluluto yung garlic pag ganun. At this point I have given up.



Ayun masarap sya! Haha! Love it.

Yung pang-apat na half kilo ng pork, prito na lang uli para madali. Bumili ako ng breading mix dahil isinusumpa ko na ang asin. Yung nabili kong mix pang fried chicken.



Ang galing diba? May gradient may diversity ganyan. Nung kinain ko sinabayan ko ng Mang Thomas.

Gusto kong mag-apologize dun sa baboy na kinatay para maging ganito.

a new decade

Hey Kids! Happy 2020! Char not really. New decade, same old shit. Wow ang negative ng outlook. Sige ulitin ko. New decade, new problems, new ways to make all of us feel dead inside. We're another year closer to death. JK.

First of all I want to acknowledge na hindi ko nagawa yung sinabi ko last year na magpopost ako nang mas madalas. At first nagawa ko like weekly, pero naging busy rin sa ibang bagay (isingit ko dito yung Creepsilog please listen!) kaya napabayaan ko uli. And it's not like merong clamor for me to write, I mean may tao pa ba dito? Hello???

No seriously I got a few messages from people na nagsabi na hindi nagwowork yung wickedmouth.com na link (so yeah that's how I found out na may nagbabasa pa rin na ilan, thank you so much guys).

So here's what happened. Years ago when I got my wickedmouth.com domain I complained na yung domain service provider is the WORST company ever. In fact may Facebook page dedicated to exposing them. I just dealt with them kasi naset up na ang lahat and it's less complicated than moving to a new domain provider. Ilang taon kong tyinaga na maka-deal sila from time to time. You should see all the nasty emails I sent them through the years.

Then one day I got the monthly invoice, so I logged in sa online portal nila para bayaran. Walang option to pay. Walang credit card, Paypal, bank deposit. WALA. I opened a ticket na walang sumagot. Parang walang tao sa office. So eventually nag-overdue yung  invoice, nag-expire ang subscription ko and nag-disconnect ang link. So habang inaayos ko, binalik ko muna sa wickedmouth.blogspot.com para lang accessible pa rin ang blog na to.

So now inilalaban kong mabawi uli yung domain para maging wickedmouth.com na uli. It will take a lot more work, time, and money. Pero gusto kong gawin kasi mahalaga ito sa akin.

Bakit ba kasi??? Ano bang meron sa blog na ito bakit binibigyan ko pa ng atensyon?

1) Because from time to time, binabasa ko pa rin ang sarili kong posts. YEAH HAHA ang vain. But seriously, it's like a time capsule for me. Especially when I read super old posts where I've said stuff that I will never say nowadays because politically incorrect yun or just pa-edgy or talagang cringe.

2) Writing has always been my creative outlet, kahit ngayon na meron na kaming (isingit ko ulit) podcast ni @GideonWobi which you should definitely check out (Creepsilog on Spotify and Apple Podcasts). Parang hindi ko kayang iwan basta-basta ang blogging. Alam kong magsusulat at magsusulat pa rin ako kahit wala na uling nagbabasa, just like when I first started over ten years ago.

3) This blog literally changed my life. I made big decisions na nag-ugat sa existence ng blog na ito. I made some money off it. I got a book out because of it. I made so many friends because of it. Hindi ko kayang iabandona lang kasi tinatamad ako.

Susubukan ko talagang maging active uli. Or bahala na haha!

So Kids welcome to a new decade of broken promises, disappointments, and kalat.

Mwahchupah!

creepsilog

Hey Kids! We started a podcast! Wait lang we can explain. Basta nangyari na lang like everything else in this world. Ito ang dahilan kung bakit di ako nakakapagpost dito sa blog lately. This is all Gideon's idea so siya ang mananagot LOL. On a serious note, medyo matagal ko na rin naiimagine paano kaya feeling magkaroon ng podcast? So the day Gideon brought this idea up, go na agad.

So after a few (or one) brainstorming sessions we came up with Creepsilog! Creepypasta with Pinoy flavor? Pwede. Catalogue of creepiness. We just want to spread wisdom and knowledge (ulul).

We're gonna talk about a lot of weird, scary, and disturbing stuff. If you're into these things, this podcast is for you! And even if you're not, it's still me and my friend talking so if you enjoy this blog, you might enjoy listening to my awkward voice from the depths of the abyss.

We get into details sa aming pilot episode. We share creepy things that happened to us: Gideon tells us about an ex-officemate who stalked him and I share my weird taxi driver story.

For our first season, we are paying homage to our favorite podcasts, My Favorite Murder and The Last Podcast on the Left, by counting down our favorite ("favorite") serial killers of all time.


 

 













Please listen masaya to. We enjoyed recording, tawanan lang and gaguhan. So we didn't really accomplish much in terms of educating the public, pero nag-enjoy kami. We hope you enjoy this too.

Here's a little teaser for our first season:









OK if you don't have time to go through all 10 episodes just to get an idea how Creepsilog sounds like, eto na lang muna ang pakinggan nyo: The Best of Season One sabeeeeh



Hey Creepers! Before we descend into the darkness and depths of Season 2, let’s first review the killer season that is Season 1. Join us as we dissect over 10 hours of recording and stuff the corpse into 40 minutes of intense knowledge and wisdom chos.

Apple Podcasts:
https://podcasts.apple.com/ph/podcast/creepsilog/id1470898919#episodeGuid=32924193-0bf8-5edd-af80-70de2d5cf9c6
Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/episode/3G842j1mVwUsR2iaNqr3Zr?si=fbPwPt9LQ-eHfA75mIR01g



And today, we just launched our Second Season:


If you've been reading my blog since 2008 you would know aswang-aswang is my jam. So please please please follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. Rate and subscribe on iTunes and Spotify.

Creepsilog: Patayin sa Sindak si Barbara!

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